Chiilllleeee!

So, here’s the thing about the islands, well I won’t speak for all the islands in the Pacific, but I’ll just speak of my beautiful Fiji. Valentine’s Day ain’t really all it’s set out to be. Don’t get me wrong, commercially, businesses go aaaallllll the way out, like as soon as NY finishes its run in January, v-day sales come blazing through every shop, advert, and even grocery suggestions, pink, red and white everything is everywhere, so I’m not talking about that part.

I’m talking about the Fijian relationship part, I mean unless there’s been a prior discussion about how y’all will handle that day, let’s just say unspoken expectations are probably the best two words to describe it. At least for my relationship, it was.

So on Tuesday 14 February 2012, your girl dressed a little bit nicer, put on that Pure Fiji mango goodness and strutted to meet her man. He had invited me to their home for an early dinner since it was still a weekday. 

We had been dating for a few months by this time so he was getting use to the the whole American lifestyle thing and I in turn was discovering my fascination with an iTaukei (indigenous Fijian) young man and his prowess to be so carefree but at the same time hold some of the strongest convictions I’ve ever been exposed to.

The sun was still out and shinning through, clear blue skies, taxi ride from my home to his is less than 10 mins so I wasn’t in a rush. In my mind, there would be flowers, a beautifully set table with some amazing dinner (probably take out because I wasn’t sure about those cooking skills yet), and some sort of jewellery. 

I must repeat, there were no previous discussions about what or how Valentine’s Day was supposed to go.

But he invited me for dinner, surely there was a plan.

I arrive, hair did, nails did, everything polished. Got out of the taxi, he made his way to greet me decked in shorts and a tee, nothing major but I definitely noticed that new cologne, okaaayyy this might actually be something.

Walked into the house hand in hand, we talked it up, I noticed there were no flowers in sight except of course his mom’s beautiful gardening outside, nothing set on the table but there was something cooking on the stove, oh it was about to be a home cooked meal?! Your girl was excited.

We set the table together and this was it, the amazing dinner was ready to be served. And our boy went back into the kitchen & opened the massive silver pot to dish out whatever delicious meal he had been cooking.

The new aroma filled the air and I recognised this smell… Dahl?

No. He couldn’t have. Dahl?

Your boy cooked Dahl for Valentines Day? What on God’s green earth was happening?

Clearly I was in shock, but to reveal that to this kind soul who invited me for dinner & cooked on his own, obviously not just for me seeing as that massive pot was for the whole family but still, it was sweet and my poker face game was strong.

Throughout that afternoon we finally talked about what those unspoken expectations were, to say we just laughed about it would be an understatement. 

I learned that Dahl was actually his favourite food, amongst other things, it still is to this day. He learned that this Cali girl was expecting a meal involving grilled chicken or steak. We laughed, we still do. But we both learned a very important and subtle truth that afternoon:

Clear up any unspoken expectations as soon as you can.

Whether in dating, marriage or even friendship and family, dialogue is vital and if there’s any encouragement for us this Valentine’s Day it’s in line with those two catastrophic words.

Let the folks you’re in relationship with know what your expectations are.

There’s no need to wait for a dramatic scene or difficult conversation but just be sure to let your partner, husband, wife, friend, or family know what you expect from them before you judge them against a criteria only you know about.

Remember, you are purposed and you’re protected, we can all do better by voicing our expectations instead of simply assuming “they (should) know”.

Happy Valentine’s sis!